I know that talking about depression can be a taboo subject with some people. However, I am honest with myself and others about the fact that I suffer from both depression and PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). (For more information on this topic check out this site.) I am a firm believer that sometimes talking openly about one's own problems can help other people who might be going through the same or similar exeriences.
At times I can feel the depression starting to weigh me down like a ton of bricks on my shoulders. Other times it feels like I am drowning. Still other times it feels like I am in a deep dark pit from which I can never climb back out of. Other times I feel just fine and go about daily life without even a depressing thought. I am not on medication for either of these issues currently - Mostly because I am sick of being a guinea pig and trying all kinds of new medications only to have them make me feel worse instead of better. I had gone that route for about a year straight at one point and the result was that I found a lot of medications that almost killed me. So, for now at least, I just deal with it and try to be cognitive of when the weight is beginning to press down and try to keep myself from falling down into the black abyss.
I want to share some signs that for me are clues that I am beginning to fall down into the abyss.
- I either start sleeping more or start sleeping less - a change in sleep habits.
- I stop caring about showering or taking care of myself in the most basic ways.
- I cry or get angry a lot about almost anything. Mostly about things that crying or getting angry about makes next to no sense.
- I become unpredictable in almost every aspect of my life.
- I pretty much refuse to leave the house for any reason what so ever.
